don't try this at home

for the longest time i didn't really care for bleu cheese. as a teenaged boy it seemed inherently wrong to eat something moldy. sure, lots of teenaged boys would gladly pick up a month old dorito from under the sofa cushions and it without a second thought. i wasn't one of those kids, thankfully. it's only been in the last few years that i've come to appreciate bleu cheese's taste and allure (which i can probably trace back to the two years i spent in spain eating the best sharp cheeses in the world.) i like to crumble it on a salad, or even just eat a spoonful. i even enjoy it in its salad dressing form. i enjoy the combination of creamy and crumbly, the saltiness, the slight sharpness, and the unique taste. and it's extra delicious when spread upon a heap of lettuce. i am a fan.

unlike bleu cheese, however, i've always loved imitation crab meet. i don't care if it's made from another fish entirely. it's still tasty-riffic. and not only is it tasty, it's very versatile and easy to prepare. shoot, it comes pre-cooked. you could have crab cakes, crab sandwich, or any other number of crab-based edibles in a matter of minutes. no shell to crack, no pincers/claws to slurp meat out of or to rip off. and it's slighly sweet flavor is refreshing on a hot summer day. imitation crab meat is definitely people-friendly!

so, the other day i decided to make a salad. hey, i like bleu cheese dressing! hey, i like imitation crab meat! let's try them together in a salad. the results can only be delectable. i chopped my lettuce, peeled and grated my carrots, diced my tomatoes, sliced my cucumbers and tossed in some imitation crab meat on the top. i got the bleu cheese dressing out of the fridge, applied a little, and tossed that bad boy for all it was worth. boy, was i excited to partake of my culinary genius!

i excitedly sat down to eat, but after i took one bite it immediately just about involuntarily purged itself from my digestive track. i sat and looked at it in complete horror. how could it be? two tasty foods coming together should be harmonious and agreeable to the pallet (or, 'pallette,' for you frenchies). it was, in a word, sick. i took the bowl of salad back upstairs and washed it down the garbage disposal.

take it from me, kids: bleu cheese + imitation crab meet = no good.