some thoughts on 'cloverfield'

'the bomb could go off and their mutant genes would form the same cliques.' -- d.c., 'say anything.'

i couldn't help but think about that classic line from my favorite non-emipire-strikes-back movie while i was watching the first twenty or so minutes of the drew goddard-penned 'cloverfield.' [in case you're not in the know, drew goddard has written for 'buffy,' 'angel,' 'alias,' and 'lost,' and is set to write a four-issue arc in the 'buffy' comic book.] i think it's kind of a given that people in the movies are going to exponentially more attractive than the average person. it's part of the allure of the cinema. but the kids in 'cloverfield' are off-the-charts hot. i mean really, really, really hot. all of 'em. and of course they're all friends. they all hang out together in ritzy manhattan lofts. they all hook up and spawn equally beautiful children. if movies are about escaping reality and i guess that alternate reality is populated by people of a mathematical beauty. i guess if i were to creatve an alternate reality i'd make everyone superhot, too. i'm just sayin'.

i think this is where drew goddard's sense of wicked sense of humor comes in. the going-away party full of beautiful people is a brilliant set-up, and for me made 'cloverfield' all the more satisfying. sure, it's a genuinely scary movie. i must have jumped out of my seat a good 1/2 dozen times. the effects are awesome [especially when the tanks show up downtown manhattan and start pummeling the monster. you even get a really cool shot of a stealth bomber dropping bombs on the thing]. the monster, for his part, is scary as heck, even though you really never get a good look at it. and don't get me started on the parasites it drops off its body. uberscary, those [note to self: never go in the subway when a monster is on the loose. just don't]. you definitely get a bang or two for your buck. but i gotta admit, it sure is fun to see the beautiful people get the living crap beat out of 'em. they get smashed, eaten, trapped, chased, flung like frisbees, and otherwise tossed around like ragdolls. i admit that along with the thrills, the chase, the escape, the mass destruction and mayhem, i got some small pleasure out of seeing the beautiful people get their comeuppance. not that they necessarily deserve it, but let's face it, they kind of do. after all, they didn't invite any average-looking people to the party. so serves 'em right.

as far as a story, 'cloverfield' does good by the viewer. [there be spoilers in this here paragraph, so if you don't want to know what happens, skip ahead to the next paragraph] in short, a group of flawlessly beautiful people have gathered together in a ritzy new york loft to throw a surprise party for their hot friend, rob, who's about to move to japan after a recent promotion to v.p. of something for some company. i don't remember all the details, so don't ask. anyway, rob's friend, hud, is in charge of getting some video testimonials about the guest of honor from the assembled hot people, so he walks around with a camera while everyone gushes about how hot, er, awesome, rob is. all's well until the uberhot beth shows up with another dood. rob, who's been in love with beth since, like, pre-school [or something like that], and had a little fling with her a month prior [you see occasional footage interspliced with the monster coverage--hud is actually recording over beth and rob's happy day of roller coasters and hot dogs at coney island] is none to happy and ends up doing his best 'afflicted' routine. michael stahl-david is actually pretty good as our tortured and conflicted hero. way to go, dood. somehow rob manages to get hair tousled hair just-so, so that it looks like he's just gone to the salon and got it styled for a night of clubbing. so while rob is doing his best james dean, all hell breaks loose. after a misguided escape attempt across the brooklyn bridge our heroes [now a group of 5 -- rob, rob's brother jason, hud, marlena (the object of hud's affection and nick andopolis' dancing partner is 'freaks and geeks'), and lily, beth's best friend] make a mad dash for safety while rob contemplates going after beth, who left with that same other dood, when she got tired of rob's pouting. rob convinces the gang to initiate OPERATION: RESCUE BETH, and of course they all agree. then the real fun begins. i won't say too much, but probably the scariest moment takes place in a department store where the military has setup a triage. remember these words: WE GOT A BITE! horrifying stuff! but very awesome at the same time. i'll won't give away any more of the story, but suffice to say, not everyone makes it out alive. there are some genuinely nice moments that bring a nice gravity [particularly the final scene], as well as levity ['it's a terrible thing!'], to the film. the actors, for the most part, really dig into their roles and are uniformly convincing in their terror. i'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of them in the future. so, in there a point to it all? is there a moral to the story? i think so and it is this: don't be too hot, else a monster might come eat you.

i really, really loved this movie. i'll probably see it again. i might even buy it. i've always enjoyed smaller, personal stories within big events and 'cloverfield' certainly works on that level. it was a smart move by goddard and director matt reeves to keeping the drama localized to street level. i think it's much more effective to show the mayhem from the characters' point of view. the hand-held camera puts you in the characters' shoes and lets you feel what they feel and experience what they experience. and even though all the central characters are super hot, you do feel some real sympathy for them, especially at the end. i guess even the beautiful people have problems, least of which are giant monsters. do they deserve it? yes. ok, maybe that's harsh. but even if they do deserve it, it doens't mean you can't feel badly for them at the same time.

now a caveat: if you suffer from motion sickness, take some dramamine before you sit down in the theatre. 'cloverfields' central conceit is showing the drama through a hand-held camera. consequently, you get a LOT of blurry, shaky images. since our heroes spend most of their time running, you get a lot of uncomfortable viewing angles and you'll end up craning your neck a lot. it didn't bother me, but it will certainly bother a lot of people. so be advised. another caveat: don't eat a red robin bacon burger before you see this movie. kevin did. he regretted it.

spitcake verdict: see it, but take some dramamine beforehand.