some thoughts on 'juno'

when i first saw the trailer for 'juno' i thought it looked like it had a solid shot at being a brilliant movie. it seemed to have all the right ingredients: a smart script, winning actors [i love micheal and george michael bluth], and plenty of charm. i don't actually hit the cineplex that often anymore, but i actually looked forward to the film.

then i started reading endless reviews from critics falling all over themselves praising it's 'witty dialogue.' witty dialogue this, witty dialogue that. witty, witty, witty. i couldn't find a single review that didn't comment on 'juno's' so-called 'witty dialogue.' so when i finally went to see it, i was expecting some darn witty dialogue.

but before anything else, what i want know is when kitty pryde and george michael [not to be confused with the singer-songwriter] bluth hooked up. and more importantly, what's wolvering gonna do about it? forget a shotgun wedding. we're talking an adamantium claw wedding! word that. i suppose george michael could always enlist his uncle buster's hook/claw should wolverine actually try to slash up him up. wolverine v. buster--cagematch! i'd sell tickets to that dance. it also warms the heart that sydney bristow has retired from the spying and settled into suburbia. i was worried about her after her alias days. i hear the transition from international spy to domestic goddess can be difficult. question: how did she hook up with michael bluth? and does michael bluth know his son is the father of the baby spy syndey bristow wants to adopt? if he knew, maybe he got weirded out at the prospect of adopting his own grandchild. i'm just speculating, of course, but maybe that's why he split. personally, i blame the whole problem [i.e. pregnancy] on the banana stand. i'm just sayin'.

but in all seriousness, i have to say i was disappointed with the 'witty dialogue,' which to me wasn't witty at all. to my ears it sounded forced, rehearsed, practiced, disruptive, and totally phony. too me it seemed ms. cody was trying just way too hard to be 'hip' or 'cool' or 'indie' or whatever superlative you can come up with. in other words, a gimmick. and i loathe gimmicks. loathe, loathe, loathe. i don't care how precocious a 'whip-smart' teenage girl is [smart enough to name droop the stooges, but not smart enough, apparently, to use contraception]--no one speaks like that. and those who do, should be karate chopped in the ear. there were so many times that juno's [the character] 'witty dialogue' completely took me out of the film and reminded me that i was watching a movie instead of getting lost in a story.

it's too bad because it's a genuinely good story and a very decent movie. i liked it. i really did. solid performances all arouhd. ellen page, aside from the dialogue given her, is a revelation. michael cera is, as always, sublime. it's also got career-enhancing performances from jason bateman and jennifer garner [she's particularly good]. the supporting cast is excellent, too. it's very funny and very touching at all the right times. but the 'witty dialogue' actually kept me from totally loving and embracing it wholeheartedly. i'd definitely recomment seeing it, but don't believe the massive amounts of hype surrounding this movie proclaiming diablo cody as some sort of word magician. it's a very good movie, youbetcha. but is it great? well, it is if you're a hipster because it panders to your presumed hipness. then you're required to love it with your whole heart and proclaim it the. best. movie. ever. ever. ever!!!!!!!!!!

spitcake verdict: see it, don't buy it.

→ morrissey: pregnant for the last time
→ aqualung: baby goodbye